ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local Commander player Izabelle Zimmerman clarified today that the assumption she’s a competitive commander player is incorrect. Though she lists cEDH as her preferred format on her various social media profiles, she would like everyone to know this a reference to her being a Chumbawamba EDH player.
“Fuck competitive commander. I could care less how optimal your deck is. That’s not what being a cEDH player is about. To me, cEDH is a state of mind. A mantra. A way of life. There are those who are fortunate enough to understand the immense impact of 90’s darlings Chumbawamba, and those who brush them off as one-hit wonders. As a cEDH player I embrace a true artist’s profound wisdom and apply it to my life and hobbies.”
Zimmerman further clarified what the hell a British band has to do with EDH, or Magic: The Gathering in general.
“Like I said,” Zimmerman continued, speaking as though we were slow, “Chumbawamba is life. Since you’re familiar with their ‘MTV moment’—Tubthumping isn’t even their best song by the way, but you wouldn’t know that—let me impart some infinite wisdom from the mind of one Boff Whalley.
“‘I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down.’ Let the words wash over you before I repeat them. You can hear the song in your head already, can’t you? Ignore it focus on the message. Now think about your experience as a Magic: The Gathering player.
“You’re going to win about half of your games. Even fewer if you’re playing commander, maybe 25%? As an MTG player you’re going to get knocked down. Repeatedly. Many players find themselves discouraged and disillusioned. Convinced they’re a bad deck builder and an even worse pilot. Are they going to get up again? Are they going to let their emotions keep them down?”
Unphased by our follow-up question, Zimmerman continued.
“‘He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink. He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink. He sings the songs that remind him of the good times. He sings the songs that remind him of the better times.’ Wow. Just wow. Brilliant. If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume we’re reading literary fiction. Take in the emotion of it. Step beyond your mind’s penchant for literal meaning of Lord Boff’s words and dig deeper.
“The person they’re singing about is mixing their alcohol which, as we all learned in college orientation, leads to what? Bad times. We eventually learn from our mistakes, discovering it’s best pick one drink and stick with it. Maybe two if it’s like shots and beer or something, but always in that order and never the reverse. Take that wisdom and apply it to playing Magic: The Gathering. Learn from your mistakes. Refine your decks. Practice. Learn. Grow.
“The crux of my message is simple, a cEDH player is about keeping the mindset of a true Chumbawambaian and applying the profound wisdom of a prodigy given away freely, or at least after sponsored ads if you don’t have Spotify premium.”
Before the interview ended we asked if the line in the song “Pissing the night away.” had any significance to which she replied that she couldn’t think of a better way to describe an evening spent playing cEDH.
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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.
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