BEAR, DELAWARE — Mickey Rhodes was enjoying a Sunday afternoon at her home when her Husband, Dallas Rhodes joined her in the foyer. He’d been pouring over non-digital magazine photos of mid-nineties Toyota Supras most of the afternoon, so she thought he was going to bore her again about some he’d found for sale online.
“I didn’t really care about the cars,” Mrs. Rhodes told us. “It was a good way to keep him out of my hair for a while.” Little did Mickey know, but Dallas’s obsession had already moved on. “He wanted to paint the house,” Mrs. Rhodes said with a sigh. “At first I was all about it, but then, as most men do, he kept on talking. “
“He pulled out a box of these old cards,” Mrs. Rhodes went on, “saying that he’d found the perfect color for repainting our home.”
“She just doesn’t get how cool it is,” Mr. Rhodes told us later. “People are going to see that and think, ‘Wow I’d forgotten artifacts were brown before 8th Edition.’ Many of the people I play against weren’t even alive to see a mud deck in action. Sure, my wife was pissed when I painted the house even though she hated the color, but once the compliments start rolling in she’ll understand how right I was. She never does, you know? Always thinking she’s better than me. Like I’m less of a person. Sure, she denies it in therapy, but it’s not my fault she and our therapist team up against me.”
“I mean, how can you deny it at this point? He’s in a full-blown mid-life crisis. He keeps bringing home old Dreamcasts he finds at garage sales and won’t stop wearing those stupid JNCO jeans.”