LAS VEGAS, NV — The details of Magic: The Gathering’s 30th birthday celebration were revealed today along with the prices of various packages fans can purchase. The most expensive package, the Black Lotus VIP package includes access to the “VIP Lounge” which just so happens to be a series of rooms that each cost more money to enter than the previous.
“I had a lot of ideas for the Magic 30 VIP lounge and what it should contain,” Event Coordinator Miley Burch said. “I was going to go with the usual arrangement of cans of room temperature Diet Sprite and Lunchables, but you only turn thirty once. I had a whole list of the most famous MTG personalities and already printed out the “HANDS AT YOUR SIDES” signs to remind fans not to touch them, but in the end my ideas were overruled for something very new and exciting.”
The brilliant minds at WotC in revenue optimization who created the economy for MTG Arena were given the task of setting up the VIP Lounge for Magic 30.
“We wanted the VIP Lounge to be more than just a place for people with too much money to smell each other’s farts,” Scarlette Kirk, Head of Revenue Optimization for WotC said. “We wanted it to embody what Magic: The Gathering represents and give our most dedicated fans an in-person experience they will never forget.”
The team came up with a series of rooms where the contents of the next room would be unknown until the fee to enter the room is paid.
“The idea made total sense. Just like our product, you’re paying for the experience of finding out if the cost of entry was worth it. Think about it. You paid twice as much as everyone else to get into the VIP Lounge only to find another $1400 door. What’s inside? Will it be $1400 worth of stuff? Could be. But probably not. Just like our products, what you’re buying is the excitement of finding out if you were ripped off or not. Obviously, our VIP Lounge attendees have the money, so we’re going to see how much they spend on opening doors until they get their fix. Not only is it a great experience, but also valuable marketing data.”
While the contents of each room were never confirmed, our sources say that the final and most expensive room ends up serving as a shortcut to the bathrooms.
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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.
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