Uh… Okay? Urza Confirms He Built Karn Starting With His Dick

DOMINARIA — An unexpected statement was released today by Urza’s estate which confirmed certain … aspects of Karn’s construction. For whatever reason, the vividly detailed statement describes Urza beginning Karn’s construction, specifying the construct was created starting with his dick.

“Karn’s story is all well documented,” Chad Dissingly a Dominarian historian said. “However, until now we’ve had very little insight into the actual process of the construct’s creation. I’ve read the newly released documents many, many times. The way Urza describes his process, and the level of detail that went into the start of construction has left me feeling engorged with excitement.”


The documents released by Urza’s estate illustrate the meticulous nature of the construct’s beginnings. Urza’s own notes give more insight.

“…the size must be perfect. Too large or small could skew the rest of his proportions. This will be the sixth iteration, not counting the one I accidently lost during testing. It’s perfect. The slight upward angle is inviting but not too presumptuous. The snickers bar vein moves like a flowing river, carving a path in a delicious, girthy landscape of hand polished silver.”

Not everyone is as excited as Dissingly over the newly released documents.

“Who cares?” Teferi, Hero of Time said. “Old shovelhead was just one of Urza’s many creations and isn’t more special than me … I mean it’s not bigger than my, uh… The news, I mean. The news isn’t bigger than, uh… other stories that you should be covering.”

When questioned for comment, Karn said that he had not seen the documents, nor did he care to review them. He went on to say that if anyone is interested in “that sort of thing” they can subscribe to his OnlyFans.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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