Number 7
Carry plenty of smoke bombs. Use them whenever the table evaluates you as archenemy.
There’s no worse feeling than having a great few turns, only for the entire table to gang up on you. Alliances are great, just not when you’re on the losing side. So, ask yourself this. How can they mark you as the threat if you’re no longer there?
A healthy supply of smoke bombs are a surefire way to escape if you end up becoming a target. By masking your exit, and subsequent re-entry once the game has shifted to a new baddie, you can remain out of sight and out of mind to those who might interfere with your victory.
Remember to play dumb when the rest of the players ask “what the hell, dude?” while wafting away smoke.
Number 6
Feign ineptitude until right after death, then reveal all the ways you should have made every play differently.
Sometimes you’re not going to win. Accepting this fact early on can actually be useful. Much like Goku hiding his power level, you can also play dumb to trick your opponents into thinking you’re a much, much worse player than you actually are. That tutor you just played would be a perfect time to fetch that Guildgate, and make sure everyone knows.
This way, once the game is complete, you can bust out your encyclopedic knowledge of rules and interaction to let everyone know what you should have done instead for every play on each of your turns. Trust that they will absolutely love to hear about it. Once everyone realizes your power level is over nine-thousaaaaaand, they will tread lightly around you in future games.
Number 5
Unzip the mouth of your bondage hood and moan in pleasure whenever you take damage. Beg for more pweese.
In almost every game of commander you’re going to get attacked, take damage / lose life. So why not make your opponents as uncomfortable as possible during the process? Players often have options for opponents to attack and, one way or another, will need to choose the recipient of that damage. This is where your bondage hood comes into play. Strap the sucker on and start begging for that sweet pain.
You’re going to need to really sell it, so try targeting yourself with a bolt (because you should totally be running those in an EDH deck) and moan as loud as possible. Next time your opponents think about attacking you, they may choose a different target – that is unless they’re into that shit, in which case you might as well be wearing a big red target on that hood.