Tolarian Community College’s “The Professor” Made Honorary Merfolk by Some Committee That Does That Sort of Thing

PORTLAND, Ore. — Tolarian Community College’s The Professor has a fondness for Magic: The Gathering, its accessories, and all things merfolk. Due to the last part, he has been made an honorary merfolk by some committee that does that sort of thing.

The Professor has been a figurehead of the Magic: The Gathering community for many years now. Beloved, not only for to his efforts to shake the life out of every deckbox that may cross his path, but to ensure that merfolk are represented at every available opportunity.

“The Professor has done more for Merfolk – Human relations than anyone in recent memory,” Zssha Blurb, merfolk ambassador said. “With the continued pollution of our environment due to microplastics, many merfolk do not harbor–oh no, a fish pun–fondness for humans. Convincing the board to bestow a human with such a high honor was no easy task, but when we surfed–my lord, not again–the net–I can’t stop–and saw his Merfolk-friendly content the choice was all but made.”


Additionally, the Professor’s collegiate background will make new waves–ugh, ffs–in merfolk education.

“We’re told that this human has the ability to impart information upon others through speech. We’re not sure how this is possible unless he can learn how to communicate telepathically like we do, sound simply doesn’t travel underwater well enough to communicate via the human tongue. Paper and your electronic devices do not interact well with water. Still, the opportunity for our younglings to learn about things beyond our waters is an opportunity we cannot pass up.”

Some are curious about the acquisition, citing that The Professor’s favorite hobby revolves around cardboard, and any undersea ventures will likely make him unable to partake in any games.

“Simply not true,” Blurb said. “As everyone knows, Dragon Shield sealable inner sleeves are the perfect accessory for undersea creatures due to their ability to create a seal. Do you think we merfolk do not play our own Merfolk decks? Take a look at the newest member of our tribe show off these wonderful sleeves with none other than our own Tidal Courier taking a dip.”

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