Tampons Upshifted to Mythic Rare

In the world of collectable trading card games, scarcity is usually the norm for desirable cards, leading inevitably to inflated prices to acquire them. For reasons unknown the concept of rarity has begun to bleed outside of the confines of the totally-not-gambling TCG, Magic: The Gathering, and into the world of women’s hygiene. Recently the sudden scarcity of tampons is largely due to its upshift to Mythic Rare.

“Upshifts are not entirely uncommon. We’ve seen commons become mythics before though I really wish it was anything but this. Maybe periods could become exceedingly rare instead…”

Not everyone thinks the move is so detrimental.

“So what? It’s just a tampon. If you don’t have one for now just hold in your period until you get one. Women need to grow up. What did they do before men decided to find a solution to their “periods?” So over exaggerated by the way. Just wad up some toilet paper if you can’t hold it in.”

Not all the news is bad, however.


“I’ve seen lots of men voicing their opinions about all this and honestly I am not surprised. At least the morons are waving their idiot flags, so we know who to keep the fuck away from. One guy asked me if I could just take my tampon out, flip it around and ‘use the other side.’ He then went on to recommend that women should schedule to have their periods when tampons get downshifted back to common. As it turns out the real Mythic Rare here are the number of men who have interacted with a woman outside of Twitch.”

Despite the overwhelming number of women decrying the move, economic analysts have applauded the decision, citing that tampon’s scarce availability will make the inevitable tampon Secret Lair five-pack for $49.99 seem very reasonable.

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