Supreme Court Erases the Word ‘May’ From All Abilities for Female Creatures and Planeswalkers

Justice's scales imbalanced for men

Rules and law define us as a society, as a people. That is why we must give be cognizant of those we allow to make the laws that govern our freedoms. Today, in a landmark ruling that no one fucking asked for, the Supreme Court has decided to erase the word “may” from the text of all female creatures and planeswalkers.

“The sanctity of abilities are no longer defiled by the whims of those who would seek to destroy their purpose,” Karen Karenson said. “Abilities, activated or triggered, are meant to happen for it is God’s will. By removing ‘may’ we allow the natural order of things.”

Opponents of the ruling took to the streets to voice their disdain, calling it an abuse of freedom.

“Abilities that have the word ‘may’ in them have them for a good reason. Taking away the choice of whether an ability resolves puts female creatures and planeswalkers at risk, and remove a fundamental right over their own Garfield-given abilities.”

Other, far more obnoxious counter-protesters voiced their “opinions” as well.

“If the female creature ends up taking damage because of this, the player should just accept it and try to enjoy the rest of the game,” Cousin Banger Bob said. Several counter-protesters had similar sentiments, yet most admitted that they had little to no experience or knowledge of female creatures and Planeswalkers.

We all deserve a good laugh once in a while. But having freedom taken away from people is never funny. Women’s bodies are not something the government needs to regulate. Below are several organizations you can support to defend a woman’s basic human rights, and the right to choose. The moment we stop fighting is the moment we allow those who seek to impose their own idiotic misconceptions of virtue on every single one of our freedoms.
“We envision a world where all people have the power and resources to care for and affirm their bodies, identities, and health for themselves and their families—in all areas of their lives. As we shift the conversation about abortion, it will become a real option, accessible without shame or judgment.”
“The 2.5 million members of NARAL Pro-Choice America fight for reproductive freedom for every body. Each day, we organize and mobilize to protect that freedom by fighting for access to abortion care, birth control, paid parental leave, and protections from pregnancy discrimination”
“The Center for Reproductive Rights uses the power of law to advance reproductive rights as fundamental human rights around the world. We are the only global legal advocacy organization dedicated to reproductive rights, with expertise in both U.S. constitutional and international human rights law.”
“BANS OFF OUR BODIES – The Supreme Court is prepared to end the constitutional right to abortion by overturning Roe v. Wade. If this becomes official, 26 states could move quickly to ban abortion. Meanwhile, anti-abortion rights groups are gearing up to ban abortion nationwide. But we’re not backing down. We’re built for this fight. Join us.”
“The Satanic Temple is fighting unjust laws that hinder our members’ religious reproductive rights in accordance with the First Amendment and the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA). We need your help so that we can protect members from unjust laws that impede their access to reproductive health care.”

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