Report: Blocker Doesn’t Want To Do The Math Either

The old Magic: The Gathering adage that ‘Math is for blockers’ is having its limits tested today. Sources confirmed that a game of limited has come to a standstill after the blocker stated that they do not want to do the math either.

“I learned how to play MTG on Magic Arena,” said Savanna Potter, 24. “I do a lot of drafting there, so I decided to go out and try an in-person draft. Now I’m in the late game with a massive, stalled board state and my opponent is swinging in with all their stuff. When I asked them what happens now, they shrugged and said ‘Math is for blockers.’ Arena always let me know if I’m dead by making my avatar’s head explode. If they expect me to tally up the damage with all these tramplers with deathtouch they’re mistaken. That doesn’t mean I’m going to roll over and take the loss either. If they want the win, they’re going to be the one doing the math, not me.”

Potter’s refusal to resolve the damage step has left her opponent, Danyl Roche feeling a bit confused.

“I mean, I think I won,” said Roche, continuing to stare at his creatures turned sideways. “I play a lot of draft on MTG Arena, so I’ve never actually had to figure all this stuff out. Someone told me once that math is for blockers, so I assumed I wouldn’t have to worry about it. But now she’s saying no and I don’t know what to do. We’ve kind of just been sitting here staring at each other. I would give my best guess but I’m down to one life so if I get it wrong, I’m dead. Plus, I’m way too socially awkward to muster the courage to call over a judge. They’d totally think I’m an idiot for asking them to resolve the damage step for us.”

Other players noticing the stalemate began to stir as impatient chatter began echoing in the LGS.

“Yeah, there’s time left in the round, but everyone else’s games are done except theirs. They’re just sitting there trying to convince the other figure out how much, if any damage is getting through the blockers, but it’s a mess of a board state and the rest of us don’t want her to feel like we’re trying to mansplain the game to her. You know how many women show up to draft? No, we’re not going to mess with a good thing here.”

Eventually the round went to turns. A judge came over to let them know but found that neither player had been keeping track of their life totals correctly and gave both a loss.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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