Amazing: The Cards We Printed At Work Turn Sideways Just Like the Real Ones

astonished woman after print magic cards at work turn sideways

A shocking secret about the popular trading card game Magic: The Gathering has been revealed that could change the way people interact with the game and its products forever. Pauper Jumpstart’s mail room guy, Chaz Hitchenson interrupted the offices game of Fuck, Marry, Kill today to show us something we could not believe, how to print magic cards.

You see, when people see a magic card, they see a card. What people don’t realize is that a Magic: The Gathering card, at its core, is just words and a picture. With some advanced technical knowledge we’re still trying to understand, anyone can use what’s called a “printer” to print magic cards on paper. Then, just like the real thing, can then be turned sideways.

“Check it out,” Hitchenson said opening up Scryfall and typing in Llanowar Elves. Amazingly, he was able to click and somehow preserve this image within the computer’s insides. The stomach probably. Then with some sort of advanced knowledge of coding, he was able to put the image from the stomach onto something he described to us as digital paper.

Then with even more technical prowess, Chaz was able to use real life magic to make the digital paper real. A machine he called a “printer” provided us a copy of exactly what we saw on the screen. There on the page was a Llanowar Elf. Chaz quickly cut out the card, then handed it to us.

“I was skeptical,” Editor-In-Chief Ban-Anna Perkins said. “Sure, it looked like the real thing, but this wasn’t a card. I told Chaz that this would never work. He kind of rolled his eyes and placed the paper elf on the table. I explained to him that this was illegal, he needed to pay a green to put that down. I’m not sure why he got so upset, but in a flash, he had printed out a Basic Forest and cut it out. That’s when I saw just how groundbreaking this revelation was sure to be.”

“Chaz turned the Forest sideways, tapping it for mana. I was blown away. Then he put down the Llanowar Elf. With nothing more than the magic box, he was able to make fake cards that work exactly like the real ones. I tried it myself. Sure enough, those paper spells turned sideways.”

The staff of Pauper Jumpstart then took the rest of the day to print Magic cards, expending every ink cartridge in the office creating decks for every format and having a great time playing them. Once the color ink dried up, the toner in the office was used to create “Innistrad Double-Feature” style legacy decks.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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