Opinion: Unfair I Had to Pay For It, Now This Generation Gets Free Cumulative Upkeep?!

Back in my day when we had a powerful card, we had to pay for it out of our own mana base and even though the price went up every turn we paid it. You know why? Because we had values. We understood what we were getting into and knew it would cost us. Most importantly, we made good on that promise. This generation is spoiled. Now, everywhere you turn, super powerful cards stay on the board with no cost to maintain. It’s time for the socialist agenda to end and bring back cumulative upkeep.

Magic players these days… I’m telling you. Back in my day we had to be mindful of how things were done. Our mana burned us for damage, and we took it like men. These soft, soy-fed sheep aren’t psychologically capable of taking damage from floating mana with a rare, expensive card sitting in the ante zone. We were cut from a different cloth then, during a time where matches actually meant something.

People say that change is good and even if that change rights a wrong, I was previously responsible for, that I should be happy. Hogwash. If I had to suffer so should everyone else. I ate the lead paint chips and the purple anteaters want to know why they don’t use such delicious paint anymore. And you know what? So do I. I rode my bike all over my town and no one gave me grief about a helmet and yeah sure I’d have a few less scars on my head if I did, but that’s not the point! Wait what was the point again? What are we talking about?

Values. That’s right. People today lack ’em and expect everything as a handout. ‘Give me free cards on Arena and make sure if I do invest a ton of money that I actually get a decent value out of it.’ Sissies. You know what that sounds like to me? Buncha commie socialists, who are apparently a thing even though those are diametrically opposing ideologies, at least that was what someone told me. Don’t believe ’em though mostly because I don’t know what a majority of those words mean.

It’s time this generation pull up their trousers and hold ’em up without a belt, unbuckle that seatbelt to ride in the back of the station wagon and ready that iron lung for the inevitable return of polio before getting those 7-12 year-olds back to the factories for some real work that builds character.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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