MTG Online Uses Big Boy Voice to Stop People from Hacking Accounts

MTG Online scolds hacker using their big boy voice

MTG Online has decided to take matters into their own hands by using their big boy voice to scold people for hacking their user’s accounts, sources who’ve never heard of 2FA have confirmed.

“I mean, getting into other people’s accounts wasn’t hard. The game actually provides everyone’s login name as public information. All you have to do is go take a look at the long list of trophies in the various formats and then start guessing who has their password set to “password”. Since the game has no other protection to prevent outsiders from accessing any account it’s almost like they’re inviting me in. Luckily for most people I hack, it’s not with malicious intent. It’s just fun to have a bunch of new decks in various formats to play for free. Cards are just too expensive these days since no one has any money. If you’ve ever logged into your account and found a bunch of treasure chests and play points you don’t remember winning, congratulations! You’ve been hacked.”

MTG Online responded briefly to the glaring holes in their software’s security.

“MTG Online is very different from the newer client, MTG Arena. Everything in Magic: The Gathering Online costs money. Every card in our users account has a real-world dollar value. The prizes you win can be traded for money and you’re able to buy tix which act as currency to buy cards and enter events. You can think of an MTGO account a bit like a bank. You put money into it that stays in your account until it’s (quite easily) sold or moved to another account. Due to the sensitive nature of some accounts holding thousands of dollars in value we’ve decided to implement strict security measures like, using a password and telling people not give out their password. That’s enough, right?”

Even with these assurances, there are still those critical of the security offered in MTG Online.

“You’d think with thousands of dollars waiting to be grabbed in people’s accounts they would implement something to make accounts more secure. I asked if they wanted to use a different login name than those that are public information. Nope. What about 2FA in the event your password happens to become compromised? Sorry. I thought at the very least they would implement some kind of measure against people brute forcing passwords. Maybe lock accounts after a number of failed attempts? Not today. How about at the very least we put in a captcha to make it slightly inconvenient for thieves? No? Okay…”

At time of press MTG Online has assured its users that those who attempt to hack into other’s accounts will be reprimanded harshly by being told “No. Bad.” and then booped on the nose, though it’s been said they will feel bad about later on.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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