The Gatewatch announced today the capture of Nicol Bolas, thought dead after the War of the Spark conflict on Ravnica. Their captive however maintains this is a case of mistaken identity, claiming to be Nicole Bolas, not the Elder Dragon in question.
“I mean, I totally get it,” Nicole Bolas told reporters from confinement. “Our names are similar and we do resemble each other somewhat. But I thought this would be over after I explained their mistake. I showed them my ID and everything. I should have been released. They have the wrong person.”
Despite the claim, the Gatewatch isn’t buying the claim.
“It’s literally Nicol Bolas in a wig and glasses,” Chandra Nalaar said. “The fact that we’re even debating this is absurd. He literally has the spirit-gem still floating above his head. The fact that the groucho glasses he put on it are fooling my fellow Planeswalkers makes me want to quit the Gatewatch. The only reason I’m still here is the hope that Nissa comes back at some point.”
Not everyone is convinced, however.
“Let’s be honest,” Jace Beleren said. “If Nicol Bolas were alive, which he totally isn’t *ahem*, he would have put more effort into fooling us. Nicole Bolas? Really? You think an Elder Dragon, one of the oldest beings in the multiverse, couldn’t come up with a better cover story? Come on, he would do a lot more than slap an ‘e’ on the end of his name. He’d at least come up with a better disguise, wouldn’t he?!” Beleren shouted at the cell holding the prisoner. “This is obviously a case of mistaken identity and think we should let that poor girl go.”
At time of press the decision to release Nicole Bolas was made by ranking member of the Gatewatch, Jace Beleren who told reporters that no matter what Ugin might say—if he does say anything about Nicol Bolas being gone (which he isn’t because he’s totally dead)—that the brother of Nicol Bolas is spreading fake news.
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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.
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