Wizards of the Coast Announces 4 Booster Packs of Illegal Cards for $1000 at Magic30, Cornering the MTG Satire Market

Wizards of the Coast announced a commemorative product available at Magic30 full of cards that aren’t legal to use in the game for the low price of $1000 for four packs, or roughly $250 per pack. In response to the announcement, Pauper Jumpstart, the publication that usually produces satire for Magic: The Gathering has decided to call it quits as there’s simply no way for people to be able to be sure what’s real and what’s a joke anymore.

“Part of good satire is that you want people to know what you’re saying is meant to be a joke. Yes, it’s always nice when people “eat the onion” however it’s only funny if it comes from a lack of critical thinking skills. Now that the lines between what’s real and what’s a joke are blurred it’s difficult to continue to produce satirical content from an ethical standpoint. If people can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality, we’re merely exacerbating the problem rather than entertaining.”

The announcement came only a year into the publication’s history.

“We have come a long way in a short amount of time, so this news is pretty deflating. There’s a lot of … interesting choices being made which makes our jobs harder. We had to scrap our “Winner of Magic30 Event Gets $20 Applebee’s Gift Card” article, because that one turned out to be true and now our hilarious “MTG Sells Proxies for More Than Legal Cards” article is defunct now too. There’s simply no way for us to compete with that level of satire. We’re now just waiting for the details of our VIP Lounge predication to be accurate.”

Pauper Jumpstart writers were shocked at the news, but not entirely surprised.

“We knew this day would come eventually. The writing was on the wall so to speak. The same thing happened with South Park and Donald Trump. Basically what was happening in the real world was way funnier than anything they could produce so they simply stopped. Being that Magic: The Gathering is kind of our whole thing we can’t simply ignore it. These days its so common for satire to become reality, so while we were shocked at the news of the closure many of us expected it to happen one day.”

At time of press Wizards of the Coast confirmed they announced JOANN Fabric gift cards as prizing knowing full well they were going to be selling fake cards (which should be given away freely since they’re already charging $160 just to go to the freaking thing) for $1,000, further satirizing the event to the breaking point.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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