Magic The Gathering Cards Officially a Better Investment than Stock Market, and Yes This is Satire, But at This Point is it Really?

WALL STREET, N.Y. — Due to Magic: The Gathering’s penchant for artificial scarcity, the beloved TCG has a legion of people buying and selling valuable cards and product, not unlike the stock market. Due to recent financial woes, Magic: The Gathering cards are now officially a better investment than the stock market. And no, we’re not giving financial advice since this is totally satire, but at this point is it really?

“Conventional wisdom has always been to invest in a 401k, or an IRA since you want your money working for you rather than just sitting around in a low yield savings account. More recently the world of cryptocurrency has created a new generation of investors,” Wall Street guru Jaime O’Moore said. “I’ve been investing for a long time and at this point I envy those with the foresight to buy into Magic: The Gathering cards. Even when our economy is in shambles the price of those collectables keeps going up. Thought, I have no idea how so many people are able to afford such an expensive hobby in this economy.”


‘Others are quick to point out the advantages Magic: The Gathering has over fiat currency.

“People may say they’re just cardboard cards,” O’Moore continued. “Though the recent adoption of Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer as legal currency in El Salvador proved they’re so much more than that. The current stock market is basically run by these multi-billion dollar hedge funds that basically run the game which puts retail investors at their mercy. With Magic: The Gathering you’re cutting out all the nonsense. Plus, you can play with them, so long as you’re super careful with the cards. Can’t break out your stocks to play with your friends, can you?”

No everyone is convinced of the long-term viability of Magic: The Gathering as a vehicle for investment.

“The market always recovers. Sure it sucks to see negative red numbers every time you check in on your investments every day, but that’s temporary. I think. Sure, people who got into the Magic speculating game early are doing well for themselves, but it’s a terrible time to buy in thinking you’re going to do well. There’s just too much competition. Plus as I learned recently there’s something called ‘fire’ which can make your investment worth a heck of a lot less.”

At time of press, major stock averages have slipped for three straight weeks while cards like Bloodthirsty Blade saw a 3,850% increase in value. Just saying.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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