Heavily Funded Research Shocks EDH Community: Scientists Discover 75% of Players Will Lose Their Next Game of EDH

Magic: The Gathering is a game heavily tied to mathematics. While the numbers on the cards themselves are nowhere near Yu-Gi-Oh levels, there is a lot of complex calculations behind the game. What are the odds of drawing that land you so desperately hoped for when you kept that hand? Is this swing-in lethal? Who knows, let the blockers figure it out. The list goes on and on. Richard Inpies of Skyfisher Research Group delved into that list and his team’s findings being published today are set to rock the foundation of the commander community.

“So much of the game had been scoured by data analysts,” Inpies told us. “Our research group knew there was so much more to discover. We landed a very large grant from a group of cardboard speculators because, like us, they understood how important studies like this can be for the game and its community. Who wouldn’t want their name attached to something this massive?”


S.R.G. aimed high, using its funding to recruit the top data analysts and mathematicians from around the world.

“It was truly a who’s who of top minds. Once word got out about the team we were assembling, we were getting requests from folks outside of our outreach, offering to participate for merit. It was better than anything we could have imagined.”

Even with so much talent, the team’s findings were met with skepticism. Even Inpies admitted he didn’t believe what he was reading.

“It couldn’t be right. 75% of all EDH players will lose their next game? They expected me to believe that. Sure, they are all brilliant minds, but … that’s so many. That’s more than half! We had meeting after meeting to help me understand the results. Honestly, even with the paper being published today, I still can’t believe it.”

How this shocking revelation will be received by the community remains to be seen. It has been speculated that most will refuse to believe the team’s findings, much like Inpies they will live in perpetual state of denial. The research team, with so much ample funding remaining, is not done yet. Rumors of follow-up research aims to gather top quantum physicists to determine how it’s possible that Sol Rings end up in so many opening hands.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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