DALLAS, TX — Dragon Shield, the brand of choice for card sleeves, shocked the entire world with the announcement of a new line of card sleeves. Unlike traditional sleeves which protect cards from the elements, these new sleeves aim to protect your cards from your hands.
“We’re not sure why it took us so long to make the connection here,” said Malika Marsh, Dragon Shield Representative. “The purpose of a card sleeve is to maintain the quality of the piece while allowing it to be used in-game. Our data suggests that double-sleeving is the most prevalent practice, so we asked ourselves what the logical next step would be. While one might think that adding a third sleeve to encompass the others would make the most sense, but our team of designers took the idea and imposed a radical new line of thought. What if the third layer of protection wasn’t on the card at all, but on the player’s hands manipulating the double-sleeved card?”
The revelation created an upheaval in the conventional thought process of card protection.
“When we received the memo from R&D we knew we had something special and had to act fast. As of now our direct competitors, to our knowledge, had not yet moved into research and production of hand sleeves, which meant we were going to be the first to bring this revelatory product to market, further solidifying Dragon Shield as the premiere name in cardboard accessories. We were so excited to blow people’s minds.”
Not long after the new line went into production the team received some bad news.
“The team had tested a litany of materials suitable for both the card and the players hands and settled on something players would not expect from a card sleeve manufacturer. The material is called “latex” and conforms to hands of any size making it easy for us to release a few standard sizes to cover the hands of any shape and size. Then one of our interns brought in an entire box of hand sleeves he’d stolen from a doctor he’d seen that morning. Yeah, it hurt a little to learn our brilliant idea had been stolen by the healthcare industry but knowing how corrupt they are it’s not all that surprising.”
Despite the news that hand sleeves are already available in abundance, Dragon Shield announced plans to continue with the product launch, citing that if you market something to Magic: The Gathering players and brand it for the game specifically, they’re more than happy to pay way too much for it even if it already exists.
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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.
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