Doomed Relationship Down to Communication via Magic Arena Emotes

Breakups are hard. Sometimes they happen immediately, though other times the couple holds on to hope for far too long as the bonds between them deteriorate over time, lengthening the agonizing process into, sometimes, an ordeal spanning months. As complicated as relationships can be, sometimes breaking up can be worse. Over the course of a breakup new boundaries are set and become more stringent the closer things get to the end. For one couple, the death knell of their relationship came into play when the only feasible way of communicating without devolving into a fight was to use Magic Arena’s emotes.

“We’ve been together for five years now. Five. Moved in together and all that. Of course, right afterward is when all the trouble began. She said I’m ‘too controlling’ to which I kept telling her, that’s just my playstyle and if she doesn’t like it, she can go aggro and go underneath me. But no, she keeps saying that I’m not even listening to what she’s saying. I don’t know how that’s possible if I’m literally responding to her.”

Wendy had plenty to say about Brad’s behavior.

“He’s just so dumb. He doesn’t listen to anything I say ever. He hears me, but he doesn’t hear me. I keep saying he needs to take some responsibility around here and clean up and he’ll say something like ‘that’s after the end step, we’re still in second main’ whatever the fuck that means. I asked if he rather go out and find singles and he said ‘Of course, only idiots with more money than brains buy sealed.’ What does that even mean? I can’t be with someone who can’t communicate.”

At an impasse, each thought it was best to go their separate ways. Though the issue of their living situation made it more difficult.

“We only had a few weeks left on our lease, and neither of us could afford the place on our own so we had to stick it out for a bit. However, those last few weeks were such a nightmare. We couldn’t get more than a few words in before getting into a fight, so Brad thought that we should just communicate digitally, which didn’t really work because we were text fighting instead. Then I remembered him talking about that game he plays, Magic Arena, and how stupid it was because there was only like four words you could use. It turned out to be perfect because whenever he’d try and talk to me I could just spam ‘oops! good game!'”

At time of press the couple has moved out of their apartment, going their own separate ways, thought Wendy is still trying to figure out why Brad’s head literally exploded when she moved the last of her things out of the apartment.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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