Dominaria United Under Fire After Assigning Karn as Keeper

Teferi and Karn play football, Karn as keeper

Football Club Dominaria United came under fire today when it was announced that Karn would be assuming the position of keeper. The rosters release was met with mixed reactions from divided Dominaria United fans.

“I think Karn will be a great keeper,” Reddit user Karn4Life posted. “I’m already subscribed to his OnlyFans, so I know his chiseled body is quite capable. Honestly, what other position could be play? Do you have any idea what would happen to the pitch with him running around on it for 90 minutes?”

But not all Dominaria United fans agree. Some feel that he’s simply not fit to play keeper.

“Keeper takes agility and a keen sense,” another user responded. “Karn is big, clunky and slow. He’s the antithesis of everything a keeper needs to be. The only time he’s going to make any saves is when the ball bounces off his big dumb head.”

Not long after the announcement was released, Teferi took the podcast circuit to plead his case. His comments came as a surprise to very few, given the pair’s sordid history.

“I tried to tell them. I. am. the. keeper. of. time. Keeper. I can literally stop time. Ball included. In fact, you could get rid of everyone else on my team and we’d win. The ineptitude is beyond frustrating.”

Pauper Jumpstart obtained an exclusive interview with the golem, where he stated, “I actually just found the roster and changed it before it went public. They were planning on putting Teferi at keeper, but I knew it would drive him nuts,” Karn said, laughing. “Serves the jerk right. Call me Arty Shovelhead again, bitch. See what happens.”

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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