Local Man Ends Up Having a Delightful Time After Misheard Invitation for a Night of Cum-Hander

GLENDALE, Ariz. — Having a group of friends over to play some cards is just one of the many reasons why the game of commander has become the de facto way to enjoy Magic: The Gathering. Like a “Poker Night”, commander allows a group of four (or sometimes more) individuals to enjoy a game they all love together. Local man Jamal Stephens thought he was attending such a night when he misheard the invitation for a night of playing “cum-hander.”


“I didn’t know the playgroup very well, though it’s one of the things I love about the game, meeting new people. It’s a bit sketchier when you’re meeting at someone’s house instead of a local game store, but I’ve never really had a problem with it. I should have known something was off when I said I’d bring my decks and the person that invited me asked if they were silicone or glass. I I’d never heard of a silicone or glass deck box but figured it might have been a DIY project or something.”

Stephens arrived at the residence of Killian Snow around 8:00 PM on the designated Friday evening.

“I’m really not going to go into a lot of detail about what was going on there that night, but it sure wasn’t commander. At first, I was kind of shocked, and thought I had the wrong address, but Killian welcomed me as soon as I got there. It really wasn’t my thing, but I was already there and I’m fairly open to new experiences, so I gave it a whirl.”

In the end, Stephens’s open-mindedness paid off.

“I had a blast. Quite a few to be literal. Not only did discover a lot about myself, but I made new friends in the process. Additionally, I was able to teach a few others how to play the actual game of commander during our refractory periods since I brought several decks with me. It’s a good thing they were double-sleeved.”

It’s been reported that the night of cum-hander commander was such a hit that Snow is planning on making it a regular hybrid event, though recommends that people show up with decks at the pre-con or pauper EDH level, not because of the experience level of attendees, but for the risks involved with cardboard around so many fluids.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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