Dear Pauper Jumpstart: I Found One of My Boyfriend’s EDH Decks He’s Been Hiding. It’s Mass Land Destruction With No Win Con. What Should I Do?

Oh, Susan. We’re not sure if that’s your name or not, but we like Susan. The fact that he’s hiding things from you is obviously worrisome, however we don’t have the background on your relationship to say one way or another. Everyone should move at their own pace when sharing intimate details about ourselves with partners, so long as it doesn’t become the source of lies.

That being said, the fact that he’s hiding something like this is a major red flag. We’ve never met your boyfriend but can say with certainty that he knows it’s wrong. Why else would he hide it from anyone? This is almost certainly the deck he uses in casual pickup games at the local LGS. He’s not looking to win. He’s looking to inflict pain. He’s looking to make everyone around him as miserable as he feels inside. We can almost guarantee he’s not even discussing this in the rule 0 conversation.

We can see it now, moving from store to store, looking for unwitting groups of three who just want to get one more game in before closing. A smile peels across his face as a group of friendly players wave him over, unknowing what sinister secrets this sadistic sycophant has in store.

Now, Susan you may love this man and you may think that this shouldn’t be a deal breaker. However, our advice is to leave this person as soon as possible. It’s almost inevitable that one day, he may take this deck out and play you with it. Maybe even your friends too. There may not be any reason or lead-up to it appearing, and almost assuredly it will take you by surprise. You may not even know what’s happening until Armageddon resolves. By then it’ll be too late.

Save yourself from future boredom. There’s plenty of other things worth rolling your eyes and groaning at, and this isn’t one of them. We know it’s painful, but in the end you’ll be better off knowing you saved yourself from Impending Disaster.

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