Control Player Answers ‘No’ to All Job Interview Questions

Local hiring manager for an undisclosed firm reported a recent potential hire, an MTG player who pilots control decks, answered “no” to almost every question asked during an interview.

“Her resume was really great, probably the best of the lot we received. We went in thinking this was probably going to be our hire. We weren’t sure what to say when she began the interview with a detailed plan to keep us in the room for as long as it took to get the job. I thought it was an awkward joke to break the tension, though she was quite serious.”

The interview started odd but then continued to decline.

“My partner Scott decided to try and get the ball rolling and asked her what her approach to the position would be and she stated that she would ‘Wait for the plan to be revealed, then use every possible method at my disposal to prevent them from succeeding.’ It was bizarre to have someone admit they’re not a team player, though the position was for a leadership role, so it didn’t immediately disqualify her.”


The interviewers decided to take the interview a few steps back to allow the interviewee some time to shake off nerves.

“I offered her something to drink, thinking a small distraction might help her snap out of … whatever was happening. Though she just said, ‘No. Negate’ so I guess she wasn’t thirsty. We proceeded to give her a few examples of projects we’ve completed recently and after we placed them on the table she said, ‘No. Supreme Verdict.’ and swiped her arm across the table, sending the documents to the floor. When we tried to bring out more documents, she kept saying, ‘No. Narset’s down’ with this smug look of satisfaction on her face.”

After the bizarre interview ended the interviewee received a call a week later, letting her know she had been hired. The company released a statement that they’d never seen better management material.

Speaking of being in a room with other humans, the new “Game Night” MTG “board game” is up for preorder. Now you can whip this out during board game night, spend 3 hours explaining the various nuances of MTG, then put it away for good. It comes out October 14th.

Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

Help Support Us!

If you enjoy our content, pretty, pretty please consider becoming a patron at our Patreon page. A $1 pledge will help us with costs. That’s it. $1. It’s all we want. You know what you can buy for $1 these days? Not much! Unless you went to the dollar store, then you can buy a whole lot! Wait. No. Give us the dollar, not the dollar store. If you don’t enjoy our content we guess you can go to the dollar store, but we doubt it since shitting on MTG is hilarious.

Or if you have many dollars, check out the official Pauper Jumpstart Jerk Store and lend your support through great apparel we designed.

Leave a Reply