Reports have come in that closeted racist Ted Bigo found himself in the midst of a discussion surrounding Magic: The Gathering’s color pie. Bigo found it difficult to hide his massive, throbbing erection when the group began to discuss what certain colors shouldn’t be able to do.
“We didn’t think anything of it at the time,” Mary Parins told reporters. “We were talking about how counterspells shouldn’t be outside of blue. We didn’t think it might be … affecting Ted.”
Bigo, a closeted racist, tried his best to contain his arousal, scooting as far up against the table as he could without raising suspicion.
“It was strange,” Parker Nilson—another witness—told reporters, “I mentioned the lines which divide colors are being crossed far too often. Ted started sweating and breathing heavily.”
It wasn’t long before the conversation reached a point where Bigo could no longer hide his burgeoning feelings.
“Mary pointed out that Black has several counterspells such as Dash Hopes,” Nilson continued. “I said that Black needs to stay in their lane. Ted moaned, grabbed a box of tissues off the desk, and excused himself. When he stood everyone saw Ted was fully torqued.”
Sources say Bigo returned to the group several minutes later along with a few of his friends who began emphatically agreeing with the group’s ideas on keeping colors in their own respective roles.
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