EIGHTY FOUR, PA —Brian Fireau was shocked to find that one of the cards in his newly built deck was not only a good MTG card, but a real Magick spell. During a game of kitchen table with his younger brother, Brian cast the spell but had no what would follow. “So, after I tappedContinue reading “Card From New Set Turns Out to Be Real Magick Spell, Summons Instagram Influencer”
Category Archives: News
Deck Constructed Entirely of Old Border Foils Doesn’t Alleviate Existential Despair As Expected
INTERCOURSE, PA — “There was a time,” Bill Henderson, told us when we sat down with him on Tuesday, “when foils actually meant something. Nowadays they’re everywhere. I think my mind was set on the old days when I decided to build it.” Bill Henderson was a man on a mission. His Legacy deck, theContinue reading “Deck Constructed Entirely of Old Border Foils Doesn’t Alleviate Existential Despair As Expected”
Hoping to Feel Cool Again, Aging Magic Players Pray For Return of 90’s Satanic Panic
The era of satanic panic was a golden era for MTG. Magic was new as was its influence over the minds of the young and gullible. Many children of evangelical families were first learning about the game through warnings from their pastors to parents to save the souls of their children. “I thought it wasContinue reading “Hoping to Feel Cool Again, Aging Magic Players Pray For Return of 90’s Satanic Panic”
Hottest New MTG Arena Format is Just Two People Roping Each Other
INTERNET, NE — Many people might recall the player ran “Brawl Hall” community that was created in order for players to play the Brawl format on MTG. The community is at is again, this time with a format dubbed Magic: The Roping in which the only way to win is to make your opponent concede.Continue reading “Hottest New MTG Arena Format is Just Two People Roping Each Other”
Next Secret Lair I.P. Crossover is with that Company Trying To Reach You About Your Vehicle’s Extended Warranty
The company who single-handedly rendered telephone calls from an unknown number useless is seeking new ways to reach you about your car’s vehicle warranty. Leaked card images revealed the next IP due for a Secret Lair treatment is none other than the Vehicle Warranty Service Department. “With so many people not picking up their phoneContinue reading “Next Secret Lair I.P. Crossover is with that Company Trying To Reach You About Your Vehicle’s Extended Warranty”
MTG Veteran and ‘Weed Guy’ Realize They’re the Same Person After Basing Every Aspect of Their Lives Around One Thing
BOOGER HOLE, WV — A chance meeting between Jason Dorner and a local man known only as ‘Weed Jesus’ blossomed into an unlikely friendship. “We accidently bumped into each other and our bags fell and split open,” Dorner said smiling at Weed Jesus. “I couldn’t believe how much stuff was there. He had as muchContinue reading “MTG Veteran and ‘Weed Guy’ Realize They’re the Same Person After Basing Every Aspect of Their Lives Around One Thing”
Fans Upset Over Neon Ninjas From Fortnite Making their Way To MTG, Applaud Neon Ninjas from Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty
SEATTLE, WA —Yesterday’s announcement that Fortnite would be coming to Magic: The Gathering in the form of a Secret Lair shook the foundations of the fanbase, leaving many to voice their frustrations on every form of social media imaginable. “What is the Fortnite universe anyway?” one tweet said. “It feels so random. Like I’ve seenContinue reading “Fans Upset Over Neon Ninjas From Fortnite Making their Way To MTG, Applaud Neon Ninjas from Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty”
New Premiere Optimal Set Boosters Cut Out The Fat and MTG Fans Are In Love
SEATTLE, WA — The announcement of the next iteration in booster packs have fans applauding. The new “Premiere Optimal Set Booster” was unveiled today. Unlike other booster packs, Premiere Optimal Set Boosters only contain uncommon cards, along with a rare or the occasional mythic. “They’re finally listening,” one Redditor posted. “It’s about time they gaveContinue reading “New Premiere Optimal Set Boosters Cut Out The Fat and MTG Fans Are In Love”