Magic: The Gathering is a rewarding game. Part of what makes it so appealing is its complexity and depth, making the barrier for entry a bit intimidating for some. Though there are no shortage of guides, some are better than others. However, one guide in particular adopted a strange methodology to their instruction, a recommendation that players should never start playing the game in the first place.
“Is Magic: The Gathering fun?” asked Gina Lapes, moderator of dontlearnmtgnomatterwhat.com. “It’s one of the best games ever made. Even still it’s a game I don’t recommend to anyone. No matter how you look at it, it’s a terrible idea. There’s an argument to be made that a service devoted to teaching something shouldn’t be dissuading people from learning about it. I wish I had more teachers that would have been honest with me about my choices in areas of study. It would have saved me a lot of time, effort, and money. That’s what I’m setting out to do.”
Clients of dontlearnmtgnomatterwhat.com have been praising the service for its honesty.
“I went in thinking I really wanted to learn how to play Magic: The Gathering. In five easy steps I was able to snap myself out of it. There aren’t many services out there that will help you dodge a bullet like this. Now, if I ever get a hint that someone I know may be considering it, I recommend dontlearnmtgnomatterwhat.com. The course assumes you know nothing about the game and eases you into the process, letting you work at your own pace. By the end of the week-long course, you will come away feeling sorry for the poor saps who got suckered into playing such a god-awful, terrible game.”
The popularity of dontlearnmtgnomatterwhat.com spawned a new service beyond saving people from a terrible fate.
“I knew there was more I could do to help people,” Lapes said. “Helping people avoid the hobby was only half a battle. There were those who had already been duped into starting that needed help getting out. There’s a saying by those brainwashed by cardboard, “no one quits Magic, they just take breaks.” Now read that sentence back with any other group or organization in place of ‘Magic‘ and tell me that’s not some cult shit right there. That’s sort of the thing about cults. You don’t know you’re in one until someone from the outside starts pointing it out to you. Whether or not they will listen is the real question.”
Wizards of the Coast fired back against the claims they’re a cult by saying if they were they’d be a supreme leader who doesn’t condone criticism, be financially manipulative, and use charismatic members to recruit others. You know, stuff they never do.
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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.
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