Basic Mountain Now Taps for Black Mana Due to Pileup of Climber’s Bodies

The Mountain has always served as red’s basic land since Magic: The Gathering’s introduction thirty years ago. Recently some basic Mountains have begun tapping for black mana instead of red due to pileups of climber’s bodies.

“It’s not something we talk about often, but seeing the bodies of fallen climbers during an ascent has become something normalized these days. Too many people see images of smiling faces on top of Everest on social media and think they have what it takes to conquer the elements, only to meet their end and serve as a guide marker and grim reminder to respect the mountain. Recently, it has become further popularized with that movie Free Base or whatever it’s called. Not many people know this, but when you die up there that’s where your body stays. It’s too dangerous and costly to remove bodies so high up on a mountain which is why there are so many recently.”

With so many armchair travel bloggers thinking dangerous climbs would make for sick TikTok content, the number of bodies on popular mountain climbs has increased tremendously.

“These days climber’s don’t even die for the right reasons either. Deaths usually were simple cases of the climber’s body not being able to handle the strain a climb puts on you, or you came ill-equipped to make it to the top safely. Now people are just acting like a bunch of immature fools and caring more about making videos on a cell phone for social media. Turns out filming an idiot dying is a surefire way to become a prevalent influencer. It sounds crass, but honestly I think the Mountains are doing everyone a favor.”

The consequences of the recent pileups reach far beyond mountainside landscapes and the families of deceased loved ones.

“I was playing a game of Commander and when I tapped my basic Mountain it provided black mana. That’s not how the game works. If something as foundational as being able to tap basic lands for their color mana is in jeapordy, the game as a whole cannot function. I don’t know what’s going on but like most terrible things that happen these days that have no rationale behind them, I bet it has something to do with Tiktok.”

Scientists also report that if left unchecked, by 2050, global rise in temperatures will result in 35% of basic Plains will be tapping for blue mana and 50% of basic Forests vanishing from collections worldwide. Though largely unrelated, it has been reported that a basic Island themed after the TV show “Lost” has been tapping for disappointment.

omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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