Arcades, The Strategist Has Been On The Board for Three Whole Turns and Craig Hasn’t Mentioned Butt Stuff Once: How Not To Jinx It

Smiling at magic the gathering card

So, your commander is Arcades, The Strategist and your walls are now real boys. Arcades has been on the board for three turns and despite the fact you’re playing with Craig, he hasn’t mentioned butt stuff at all. Not once. Weird! What can you do to keep this lasting peace?

1. Avoid sudden outbursts of Sir Mix-a-lot. Studies show it’s near impossible to play an Arcades deck without expressing how much you like big butts and cannot lie. Why else would you be playing that deck? Remember, even a single line from the song will result in a full karaoke rendition courtesy of Craig who absolutely knows every lyric by heart.


2. It’s toughness. Refer to it as such. Sticking to strict, in-game terminology should be enough to keep Craig’s mind on the straight and narrow. We understand it may be difficult to avoid calling your 0/10 Kim Kardashian, but by maintaining focus you increase the chance the game remains PG-13.

3. Speaking of in-game terminology, it’s wise for your opponent’s to stick with strict references to card names and their effects. You’re “destroying” that wall not “clapping cheeks”. It’s being exiled, and everyone is already aware of the connotation surrounding Portable Hole, so keep that one to yourself. And yes. Cleanup step. We get it. Very funny.

Using these tips we’re positive that your game of commander will run like a well lubricated machine. Sure, you’re playing Arcades so you have to start out slow, but once you’ve widened your board you can start thrusting your attackers over and over for an intensely pleasurable game of commander.

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