DOMINARIA — Fans were rightfully devastated after it was revealed that everyone’s favorite Khajiit planeswalker, Ajani Goldmane, was in fact a Phyrexian sleeper agent. Unable to cope with the loss of this beloved character, many fans have proposed a wild theory which could mean redemption down the line for the beloved kitty. In short, documents show that Ajani was not compleated fully, as he retains one of his original nipples.
“It’s very simple,” Dominarian historian Riley Faulks said. “What is compleation? Simply put, it’s when all organic body parts are replaced with artificial ones. This idea draws parallels to the Theseus Paradox which ponders the question of whether an object with all its parts replaced remains the same object. The question I pose is what if the Ship of Theseus had one of its original nipples? It would mean that part of the original ship would forever be present no matter how many other parts were replaced.”
While these rumors have not been confirmed, it’s clear that fans are not ready to let go.
“It’s more than just a nipple,” MTG enthusiast Arie Pears said. “That nipple represents hope. It shows that part of the Ajani we all love still exists inside him. Even if it’s just a nipple-sized amount, it’s something to build on. A way to reach his former self. Trust me when I say I’ve thought about this a lot. In my ongoing fanfic I show how a resurrected Jaya symbolically forgives Ajani by pulling his former self to the surface, sucking on that nipple as hard as she can while the other Planeswalkers restrain him. Let me know if you want to read it and I’ll send you a link on Google Drive.”
But how did this happen? How could the Phyrexians overlook it? Why replace one nipple and not the other.
“That was on me,” said Bob, Phyrexian Compleationist. “It was my bad. Compleating Ajani was very tedious. I mean, I’ve compleated a lot of things in my day without an issue. Well long story short we had a lot of problems with the whiskers. We were on a time crunch too since in order for him to maintain his cover as a sleeper agent we couldn’t let him stay gone for too long. Anyway, we finished up and sent him on his way. Of course, as soon as he’s gone, I reach into my Phyrexian pocket and find a nipple. I had hopes that this was an extra nipple and not the one I was supposed to use on Ajani, but I’m not so sure. “
At time of press WotC has neither confirmed, nor denied if both Ajani’s nipples are compleated. If not, fans are eager to determine if it’s the left, or right, though we think it should be on the same side as his missing eye. Just seems really fitting.
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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.
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