Move Over Boosters: Wizards of the Coast to Distribute Magic Cards Using Those Tornado Money Booth Things

man catching magic cards in a tornado booth

ARLINGTON, Va. — Magic: The Gathering cards have been distributed by booster packs for the entirety of its 30-year history. Recently, new methods of distribution like the direct-from-manufacturer Secret Lair indicate Wizards of the Coast’s willingness to experiment. Rumors state that the next method of Magic card distribution will be those tornado money booth … things.

“We’re always thinking about new ways to get cards into the hands of customers,” Product Development Lead Heather Rhodes said. “We introduced the Set Booster as a new way for collectors to acquire new cards outside of a limited environment. While this has proven successful, it doesn’t mean we’re satisfied. Our team got together and thought of ways we could distribute cards while maintaining that same feeling of regret after pulling the lever of a slot machine. That’s when it hit us.”

WotC immediately gravitated to the ambiguously legal cash grabbing tornado machines.

“Paper is a physical play space so why not introduce some physicality in obtaining new cards? We’ve always said our players love the thrill of seeing if their purchase of a booster pack had the 1 in 10,000 chance to contain value equivalent of the purchase. With a tornado booth spinning cards around your head, you have about the same chance of walking away with enough cards to justify the price of entry. It’s basically the same experience of a booster pack without needing packaging. Which, in turn, is way better for the environment.

Players were quick to point out that cards obtained in this way would likely be damaged.

“We did plenty of testing regarding the condition cards are in after being blown around inside a small glass booth. While, yes, they were certainly not in mint condition they were far more playable than our foiled cards which we sell at a premium. In fact, we found that after a few hundred rotations those foil cards ended up flattening themselves out. Go figure! It was either that or go back to distributing our products via sewer clowns.

At time of press, Wizards of the Coast teased some of the other distribution ideas they ultimately pass on such as bobbing for cards in a big tub, full-contact tackle cardball, and Mission Impossible style “it’s only wrong if you get caught” LGS breaking and entering.

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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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