BURBANK, Ca. —A recent press release from Wizards of the Coast announced some decisions. As a result, Kyle Gaunt announced his retirement from Magic: The Gathering. Gaunt was later spotted entrenched in a game at Friday Night Magic two weeks after his highly publicized departure.
“I’ve had enough,” Kyle stated in his lengthy reddit post. “Wizards of the Coast lost this customer forever. I have played since 4th Edition and always spend hundreds of dollars on each new set. Wizard’s announcement today was full of bad choices that ruined this game for me and everyone else. I will no longer support a company that cares more about money than its players. Goodbye. Forever.”
Shocked community members struggled to reconcile the decision to leave by Gaunt.
“Gaunt was the backbone of this reddit community for as long as I can remember,” said one commentor. “It’s like losing a friend. One minute he’s lecturing other people’s card choices and explaining why every format except commander sucks. The next minute he’s gone. His absence isn’t going unnoticed either. Today, people were commenting how discourse has felt a lot healthier and constructive lately.”
The icon was spotted at Friday Night Magic, playing Magic: The Gathering a mere two weeks after his departure despite his retirement.
“There was no mistaking it,” said an anonymous source. “He was wearing groucho glasses and spoke in a transatlantic accent, but it was definitely Kyle. He kept denying it was him saying ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. That person quit Magic forever and will never go back. Fiddlesticks!’ Then he countered my spell and pretended to ash an invisible cigar.”
“I have never met this Kyle person, see?” the guy pretending not to be Kyle said. “Never heard of them. Heavens to Betsy, can’t a man enjoy a night of cards without interruption? Your claim that I, a man of high moral fiber, would stoop so low as to give the run-around to save face? Poppycock! Now, scram. These spells aren’t going to counter themselves.”