DENVER, Colo. — Local Magic: The Gathering enthusiast and collector Marvin Williamson has advice for anyone contemplating buying and selling MTG cards. Buy a jeweler’s loupe as it’s a great way to pretend you have the ability to spot a fake card.
“People out there will swear up and down they can spot a fake from a mile away,” Williamson said. “I’m sure some of them can, but the trick to identifying fakes is to fake that you can identify them. You know what the most important aspect of a home security system is? That sign they shove into your lawn letting would-be invaders know that you have one. I recommend people get one of those and save money on the real thing. They’re annoying as hell anyway with all the beeps.”
While knowing what to look for might seem like the best way to be sure you’re buying legitimate cards, Williamson is adamant it’s not necessary.
“When someone sells you a card, there’s a bunch of different tests you can run to see if it’s real. First, you’re going to want to turn on your phone’s flashlight and hold it against the back of the card. Now what you want to do is say, ‘Hmmm. Very interesting.’ Say it like you know what you’re looking at. Do this a few times then look the person in the eye. Do they look confident? Scared? Now put the light up to the card and point at it. Ask them “You see this?” Their reaction is going to tell you a lot. They might even tell you what they actually see so you could end up learning something!”
“Now that the light test is done, it’s time for the next test. Take out another Magic card of your own that you know to be real and rub it between your fingers. Say ‘Yeah, mhm, mhm.’ Now take the card in question and do the same. What you’re looking for is signs of disgust from the seller since you’re rubbing your greasy little fingers on their expensive card. If the card isn’t real, they’re not going to care.”
“Lastly, you’re going to take out your jeweler’s loupe and a small cloth and start polishing it. While you’re doing this, look the seller dead in the eye and say, ‘So we’re really going to need to do this?’ Be sure they see you’re about to scrutinize their Magic card magnificative precision. If they seem indifferent or ask what the hell you’re talking about, baby, you got yourself a real, genuine Magic: The Gathering card.”
At time of press Williamson reporting coming into the possession of a complete, mint collection of the power 9 which he traded for a Taco Bell burrito and a copy of The Eagles’ Greatest Hits on vinyl.