Report: Flavor Text Tastes Like Cardboard and Now My Magic Cards Look Weird

Man in a hat tasting a Magic: The Gathering card

With every new set comes a thousand comments about new card’s flavor text. Rapul DeCool from Nova Scotia wondered what the big deal was and decided to taste them himself. He then reported that his flavor text tasted like cardboard and his cards started to look strange after sampling them.

“I saw so many people saying ‘Oh man, this flavor text is too good,’ so of course I was curious,” DeCool said on his blog, The Hatly Brim. “So, I spent a bunch of money on the foil versions of cards that players said had the best flavor. I figured if they’re going to go through the trouble of making the cards shiny, they would also have the best flavor.”

What DeCool soon found out was that the flavor text on a Magic card is for the purpose of adding flavor to the card and not flavor to the card.

“It all just tasted the same,” DeCool said, “like you’d expect it to taste when you lick a cardboard card. I mean, I wasn’t expecting much, maybe each color card had its own flavor, like strawberry for red and blueberries for blue. Black could taste like purple. Seems like a missed opportunity. “

DeCool took to his blog to express his outrage over being misled.

“Turns out cardboard doesn’t react well to getting wet. A lot of my cards look really weird, and people told me I wouldn’t be able to use them because they’re basically marked, though if I lied and told people they were a misprint I could make like hundreds of dollars. I don’t know about that I just was hoping a basic Plains would taste like bananas.”

At time of press, DeCool’s campaign to prevent others from making the same mistake has launched via a series of Facebook ads meant to spread the word, though some aren’t convinced, many reporting that they actually love the flavor of Magic: The Gathering cards.

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omg. dry erase cards. Of all the dry erase cards these are the driest. “How dry are they?” As dry as my wife after hearing me talk about how great MTG is. Sahara dry.

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