Pioneer Forced to Sit Seatbeltless in Back of Station Wagon During WotC Roadtrips

The endless passing of orange streetlamps look different when you’re sitting with all the camping gear on rough, scratchy upholstery. The air conditioning never quite reaches you and neither do the seatbelts so you merely pray that you avoid any collisions, rear ones especially.

You’re off to see the Grand Canyon, a mere eight hours away isn’t much when you’ve been driving for days. It gives you time think about your place in all of this. Too much time. About how it used to be back when you were the new kid. In some ways the favorite. It was such a short time ago, but feels like forever when you’re old news.

Commander, as always, is riding right up front. Right next to the AC, constant new stuff and the admiration of all. People waving as they pass. Behind him Standard, the former golden child sits next to Modern and Historic. In the third row, Pauper Legacy and Vintage are sharing a laugh.

How is it that everyone gets new stuff, everyone except me? Sure I get standard’s new stuff, but guess what? So does Standard. Most of his toys are useless anyway. Modern gets not one but two entire sets? For fucks sake even Pauper enjoys everyone’s toys, sure they’re mostly the useless ones no one wants, but they seem to enjoy it nonetheless. Even Legacy and Vintage are over here enjoying some crossover Secret Lairs.

I put up a fuss and what did I get? Pre-cons. A parody of a viable deck with an Arena free-to-play mana base. Did I expect much? No. Did I expect more than this? Absolutely. “Don’t worry, Pioneer,” they always say. “Everyone’s going to love you on Arena.” Right! On Arena. How long have I been hearing that? At this point no one’s even waiting for me anymore.

So here I am, stuffed in the back of a station wagon. Watching the streetlights pass, waiting for someone to notice the hand pressed up against the back window, wondering if everyone would even notice I opened it up and fell out the back.

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